Joggers see a lot of things that others remain oblivious to. From the wild animals on the trial that disappear into the undergrowth as we turn the corner, to the beautiful views that open out before us as we climb to the summit. We observe the change in colours, the sounds, the smells and feel the pockets of warm and cold air pressing on our bodies.
We also observe your behaviour and how you react (or more often 'don't react') when you see us coming. Sometimes when I pass people I have conversations with them in my mind. So whether you are the dog walker I pass in Lurgan Park, Northern Ireland or the nordic walker I pass on one of the Black Forest trials in southern Germany, here are 10 things that I might have wanted to say to you (but didn't have the time, the energy or the will power to stop and say):
- I have no pleasure in making you jump. I don't sneak up on you deliberately. My shoes are quiet (that's why they cost so much). I have tried every trick I can think of. I have shuffled my feet on the gravel, cleared my throat, whistled, exaggerated the noise of my breathing, even given you a wider than necessary berth... but if you are day-dreaming or have headphones in – (unless you wear one of those little rear-view mirrors on your cap peak) there's not much else I can do to stop you jumping. Sorry!
- Please keep your dog on a lead. Your dog turned around to look at me long before you knew I was coming. He had lots of time to lock his sights on my legs and to plan his attack. I've lost track of how many times a dog has ran after me preparing to stick his teeth into my ever quicker moving Achilles tendons. I did hear you shouting "don't worry he won't bite!" But I'm sorry, I don't believe you?
- There should be a world-wide ban on retractable dog leads. They may be practical for you, but for runners, they are a bit like a moving tripwire. It's really hard to time a jump successfully to clear it, especially when the light is fading and the legs are tired.
- Yes I did see you hesitate and yes I do know that you would have left it lying if you hadn't seen me coming. Dog owners with your poop-a-scoop bags – beware!
- When five of you are walking side-by-side talking, it would be nice if you could make a little space so that I could get past without stopping or having to step into the 'dog fouling zone'.
- When we are heading for each other on the same side of the path, I would really appreciate it if you would make the first move and give-way. I'm not saying that it is my right, but I am probably more tired than you are and I have a really good rhythm going that I don't want to break. That's all.
- I did see you relieving yourself but I looked away and pretended not to. Next time you pick a spot thinking you have enough time before the next walker comes, go a bit further into the forest and remember, runners are faster.
- How can you be so egoistic as to smoke a cigarette while watching a race? Can you not see that the wind is blowing your smoke across the course where people are running past and breathing in the air you have exhaled? In my book, this ranks away up among "the runners unforgivable sins". Put it out and have a bit of wit!
- You put on far too much perfume before going out for your walk. I could smell you before I saw you. Why do you put so much on? BTW Sorry about the smell of my clothes. I do wash them but some of the odours are quite stubborn.
- Dear car driver, thank you so much for stopping to let me over at the pedestrian crossings. Did you know that if I have to wait, even for a relatively short time, my muscles start ceasing up. I don't know who you are but on behalf of all runners - thank you, you are amazing!
Who knows, maybe someday we will be able to chat for real. I'm sure you too have a list of things you always wanted to tell me.
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